Perfection.
So cute.
Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos.
No matter how “busy” a person’s day may be. If they “really care”, they’ll always find time for you.
There is no hope for any sleep if you’re not here
In another scene, in another bed you’re sleeping
So won’t you come and visit me when I’m dreaming
You can be lonely even when you are loved by many people, since you are still not anybody’s one and only.
The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes, but with the heart.
Let’s back up to December.. I was working at a place where I had no support, I felt lost and I just didn’t feel like it was the right fit for me.. For 6 months I had been consumed by stress due to my job.. And though I had been working with that company since December of 2013, i was promoted to a manager position and it was too much for me.. It seemed really good at the time but I was under constant stress and it was consuming every aspect of my life.. Backing up even further I also realize that I went through my grad program while I was depressed.. It all started around late summer of 2013.. I had little support from parents and I seemed to get more depressed as time passed.. At my worst I literally went a week without showering or brushing my teeth.. I also gained about 50 pounds due to lack of motivation and the comfort that I was finding in food.. It was honestly an extremely painful time for me.. There were plenty of times where I wanted to end it all and kill myself but the thought of leaving my sisters is what honestly kept me from doing it.. I’m also super thankful for my friends who stuck around.. There were many times where I just made distance from every loved one in my life but some loyal friends were always there to support me, whether that meant checking up on me through texts that I’d never respond to or coming to see me.. They held me up and I’m so grateful.. I graduated the master’s program in December 2014 and I felt so lost and I didn’t know what I even wanted to do with my life.. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue my career or just drop everything and do nothing.. Of course that was never really an option so I kept existing; trying to function while trying not to break down.. Honestly that’s how I’ve felt for quite some time.. Sometime in August one of my dear friends sat me down and told me I should start seeing a therapist again.. I was certain she was right but I felt like a lost cause.. Of course I couldn’t deny that fact that I needed to see a therapist.. I know therapy is extremely beneficial but I was scared that I wouldn’t want to put in the work that it requires.. It was weird because I felt like it wouldn’t help.. How could I say that especially if I want to be one.. But I started going regardless.. I felt like I was going for such a simple issue; like I wasn’t messed up enough but in reality I was pretty messed up.. I’ve made so much progress though.. I’ve made major decisions for myself.. I was terrified to leave my job because I was scared of how certain important people the are above me in a place of power and influence such as my clinical supervisor would react.. But I knew I had to do this for myself.. So in December i decided to put in a 2 week notice and leave that stressful, unsupportive job.. Due to certain connections between my job and clinical supervisor, I knew that meant I’d disappoint my clinical supervisor which would probably make our relationship also disintegrate.. Luckily I was done with my 3000 hours to be eligible for licensure and she had to sign them off regardless of how she felt.. Since the end December I’ve felt peace.. I currently don’t have a job and I’m a little hesitant to jump into another stressful situation.. I’ll admit I’m a little anxious about my money situation.. I had a good chunk of money saved for this exact situation so for now I’m covered.. I know that won’t last forever but I’m not freaking out about it.. I just really need to find a work situation that is good for me.. Leaving my last job and even letting go of the relationship I had with my clinical supervisor have really unburdened me.. I know i have to find a job soon but I wanted to have January as a time to heal.. Not really looking for a job and just focusing on enjoying life.. Currently I’ve been exercising, eating out way less and that has really affected me positively.. I want to regain my mental health, physical health, and my body image and confidence back.. Things aren’t perfect; I still don’t have my parents’ support but I’m trying to make the best of my situation.. Sometimes I wonder if this is perhaps a really long manic episode and that honestly freaks me out.. But I feel like this is actually me getting better, growing and healing.. I’m so ready for this.. I’m ready..